I was perusing Pinterest the other day and found this gem via Scary Mommy. I LOVE her site and if I could ever have grown up dreams for my baby blog, it would to be like her site, because kids can be assholes, and it’s ok to say that!
This pretty quote had me thinking. I love being a mommy, but it can suck and suck HARD at times. I’m sort of at a place in my life where it seems that everyone around me had lives and friends and events to attend where they blow dry their hair AND wear makeup to and I have three kids. Everyday. Three kids. And a husband that comes home from work occasionally. Him and I are trying to make a conscious effort to go on date night more often for both of our sanities. But other than those rare dinners out, it’s just me and them; day in and day out. Sometimes that thought depresses me, but recently I have tried to let it not. Sure, I am called “mom” more than my own name (what is that again??) and may spend more days in my pj’s than in real clothes, but that’s ok. Perhaps as the kids get older, we will have more occasions to be “adults” and “people” again but for now, it’s ok just to be Mom.
This “Mom” title has such pressure and weight attached to it. No job is someone more judged that being a mother. From the moment your first baby is born, people are bombarding you will do’s and don’ts and watching you on every decision you make. Will you breastfeed or not? (Yes, I did) Will you co-sleep?? Oh the horror! (Yea, I did that sometimes too) Will you buy all organic and fresh veggies and puree their own baby food? (Yea, I actually did that- but because I wanted to, not because society said so!)
As your kids age, the judgments change but the pressure remains the same. Some days I put my kids to bed and think, “Crap. That sucked today. I was a shitty mom.” It doesn’t happen everyday, but I’d be a liar if I didn’t admit that occasionally went to bed feeling completely defeated and fear that my kids are going to grow up to be jerks. But then I have a glimmer of hope. A speck of sunshine though the dark, mucky trenches of motherhood. A silver lining. Every so often, I see something that tells me, “Geeze, I guess I don’t suck as much as I thought!”
When my kids want to go up and say Good Morning to the new Father at church. On their own.
Going to mass every Sunday can be a trying and sometimes, epic, event. Thank heavens my church has a children’s mass so we are all in the same boat of having noisy-at-inappropriate-times kids. This past Sunday, we have a new Pastor that joined our church and the kids really wanted to go up and say good morning to him. So they walked up, holding hands in a row, and said Good Morning and all shook his hand. They had manners and were polite all without me being right next to them. Nice work, Mom.
When your son’s kinder teacher says she would like 20 clones of him in class.
I was a bit nervous for Jacob to go to kindergarten, not the thought that he was going to leave me, but the fear of him being “that boy” that couldn’t sit in his chair and listen and it was time to. The kid that was rolling around on the rug during story time or not putting books back where they belonged. This comment has set aside my fears, at least for now, that he does know how to transition from kid-tornado to model student without me being their to give him the eyes-of-death stare. Excellent parenting, self.
When they want to dump all their own piggy bank money into the family “Saving for Disney jar”
We have this jar where we are saving all of our change for Disney Land and it always surprises me when my kids find a penny or nickel and instead of insisting I take them to toys-r-us to buy something with that penny they hand it to me and ask to add it to the Disney jar. This small act shows that I am, miraculously, teaching them to think about others and not be so selfish. Sure, THEY are the ones going to Disney, but still, it’s a start. One of my biggest fears is that my kids will turn out to be selfish jerks that don’t care about anyone else that isn’t like them and this little act shows that I have them on the right track of being a caring and socially conscious adults. I’ll take that any day.
When Abby invents her own board game and wants to save money to patent it.
This weekend, Abby had an empty Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich box that she turned into a game with marbles called “Takers”. She even created a label for it and a set of instructions. She wants to be the first kid to invent her own board game. I told her I think that’s been done already, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t be the second. Her desire to invent and create her game shows her innovation and desire to dream big. I want her to carry that through life, especially as a girl. I truly want her to know she can be anything she wants. Yea, I said it! Dream big Abigail! Make that game!
When I overhear my peas telling each other how much they love them.
These kids fight, A LOT. They’ll fight over anything, including a piece of stupid trash. Seriously, one day Abby and Jacob fought over a broken plastic slider thing from the cheese package. It was ridiculous. But though out all their fights and arguing, it just melts my heart when I hear them telling each other how much they love them. Friends will come and go in life, but your family will always be there. I want my three peas to grow up with a strong love and bond together. I want them to stand by each other. I want my son to kick the crap out of anyone that bugs his sisters. I want my oldest daughter to illegally buy beer for my other two in college like my sister did. When they have their own kids, I want them to love their nieces and nephews just like they love their own. It looks like my peas will be fast and strong friends for life, just the way I want it.
So, when I am having a crappy day and think I suck at being a mother, I will just pull this list out and realize that I don’t suck as much as I thought and through all the battles, temper tantrums, and time outs there is love, logic and morals being forged in their little brains and souls and there is hope that they won’t grow up to be mini-assholes. Excellent work, mom. You truly are one badass mother.