School is in full swing and every day kids are getting off of the bus or into the car in the pick up line and are met with parents asking “how was your day?” and most kids replying “fine” or “good” or “fun”. BORING. Yes, boring. It’s so important to connect with your kids and get them talking more, but how do we do that? By asking the right questions.
I remember reading an article years ago about strengthening your marriage through asking the right questions and communicating more and I found it festinating. I know that the same rules apply to your kids and as they get older and more involved in their own lives, and more influenced by their friends, it’s even more important to stay connected and engaged with them so that they know 1) that you are generally interested in what they are doing, 2) that you care and 3) that what they are doing is important to you. While I don’t have teenagers yet, I do have a “tween” and I know that I want her to know that she can always come to me and talk without being judged or reprimanded for telling me something. These foundations of trust begin young by actively communicating with them and showing an interest in what they are doing and LISTENING. Really LISTENING. To get you started, here are 10 questions to ask your kids instead of “how was your day?”
1.Tell me a new fact you learned today?
2.Did you play with anyone new at recess?
3.Was there a time when you were super happy today? (or mad, scared, nervous, brave)
4.Did anything funny happen today?
5.What did you learn in math? (or reading, science, social studies)
6.Did you read any books on your own?
7.If you were the teacher tomorrow, what would you teach your friends?
8.What is your easiest classroom rule to follow? (and what is the hardest?)
9.What is the best special you have? Why?
10.Tell me something you learned about YOU today.
How do you connect with your kids at the end of the day? What question about you add to the list?
If you need more ideas of questions, head over to my friend Krista’s blog The Quintessential Mommy and find 20 more!
I always found food and clothing were safe topics. “Who had the coolest lunch?” and “Was anyone wearing something funny or particularly neat today?”
Those are great! I love funny questions, they seem to get the kids talking more.
I was always taught that to foster conversation, avoid questions that could be answered with yes or no. And then the 6 classics: who, what, when, where, how, and why. Who did you eat lunch with? What did the teacher say about your homework? When is your next test? How do you feel about it? Where do you think a good field trip would be? Why do you think will be useful when you’re grown up?
Those are great ones!! Thanks for sharing them!
LOVE this & have been doing this myself for some time as it can be hard to ask the ‘right’ questions! I also like to ask what the friends are doing so I know what kind of people she is interacting with daily. For instance: ‘does ___ like any boys yet?’ or ‘do you think ____ would help someone getting bullied?’ It’s surprising at times what they tell you & then all of a sudden that start dumping all this intel & it’s awesome! =)
Love these! I’m a middle school teacher, and parents always say their kids don’t talk about school. These could help kids open up for sure!
Love these questions! Much better than the same old stuff. Plus it opens the channel of communication way better!
I agree! Communication is so important!
This is wonderful! My daughter is terrible at telling me what happened at school. Love this!
Thank you! My son is the one who’s like “fine!” and then runs away, so these types of questions are a must with him!
My oldest is 2 1/2 and a lot of these questions actually work great to get him talking after daycare.
Thank you!! I think they’d work great for him!
I have no problem getting my 13 year old to tell me e-v-e-r-y single detail of her day. Haha. My middle child though, I have to get creative with the questions cause she’ll give me the bare minimum.
I remember reading a study about the correlation between kids whose parents ask how their day was and whose didn’t, and the level of academic success they experienced.
So even if a parent is merely asking “How was your day?”, it’s so much better than not asking anything at all.
I completely agree! Even just 2 or 3 minuets after school, asking them and listening, can make a world of difference 🙂
These are some great suggestions! I definitely ask some of these questions of my son after preschool. It’s been really insightful!
I am so glad!
My kids really like when I ask, “Sooo… what’s your mind?” They always have a LOT on their minds! How do I get to Mars, my shirt feels tight, did Titanic really sink, what’s for dinner, would you stll be my mom when I’m an adult…. They can each go for an hour… In fact, I think my kids NEVER stop talking. And they do it at the same time.
Great list of questions! My preschooler always just says “nothing” or she “played”. I need to change up the questions I ask her.
What a great list! I always get the same answer when I ask how their day was. Thanks for sharing!